EXPLANATION

if you're wondering why i haven't been posting much lately, it's because my internet service was shut off over a week ago. it seems like the hackers did it again, sending me yet another trojan virus. thanks losers. anyways, i'm off to mehico, so unfortunately fans, you'll have to wait till the 10th of may to hear from me. in the meantime, i'll be fending off the paparazzi in cabo san lucas with my larger than life mary-kate shades. adios amigos!

ROYAL MIXUP

a chubby prince harry right? umm, not only is it not him, but it's a woman. cynthia nixon's woman to be exact. what's worse is, this isn't even a clear picture. yikes! let's all say it together, "if you're gonna be a dyke, do it right!"

ANGELINA & MADDOX PITT

breaking news...pitt, jolie, and maddoxx vacationing in africa together. i'm actually quite sad about the breakup of jenn and brad. if a young, gorgeous, rich couple can't make it, who can? stay tuned for my writeup of what i think led to their demise...

BEAUTY & THE BEAST

who wouldn't want to marry marc anthony? he's got beautiful light skin around his eyes, a wrinkle-free face, a cute button nose, a body that makes you scream greek god, and of course, he gives his woman the space and freedom to run her career. now read what i just wrote and think of the opposite. i'm such a bitch, but it was too easy.

MARRIED WITH 4 KIDS

don't believe everything you see. this beautiful family unit is actually a lot more messed up than it appears. demi's divorced, with 3 bratty kids, and an immature kabbalah praticising, purim celebrating, movie flopping boyfriend. don't you think it's a bit weird that they all get along? and why would any 27 year old guy want to be involved with a broad almost twice his age with that much baggage? obviously the cult based on ancient jewish mysticism has him mixing up the terms boyfriend and babysitter. will someone tell the kids their m.o.d. is really a live-in nanny?

WE'RE NOT ALONE

you know those drawings where you have to find the differences between 2 drawings? let's play that game with these raw and retouched pix of serena williams. ok let's see...makeup was added, roots were touched up, natural armpit fold was deleted, tummy tucked, ass and thigh skin polished, and of course, the lamp shades removed. have i missed anything? and we wonder why guys love maxim, and girls want to be in it.

LET'S PLAY BALL!

i love this picture. this kind of stuff happens all the time, except us common people aren't hounded by the papparazzi. but she's so in love she doesn't care who sees it. and look at him, the typical guy, seeing if the coast is clear to take it to the next level.