H FOR HOT

this one's for my bro. he thinks natalie portman's infuego. i can't disagree there. she's so on fire in fact, that i didn't even notice she's laying on a natty towel in an abandoned house.

PR BLUNDER FOR JESS

here's event planning at it's worst. who puts a picture of jessica without a smile when the invite is to an Operation Smile benefit???

VAN WILD ME

how much did alanis score with this one? not only is he hilarious, he's smokin. that body's not even right. it's like chiseled to perfection. you would think someone who takes care of his body that well would look for the same traits in a mate, but the "thank you" video proves not.

PASS THE CONCEALER

you're thinking i'm going to say something about that chick's makeup. is there really a need? what i want you to look at is lindsay's poor, abused nose from all the sniffling. and i ain't talking about a runny nose.

PHYSICIAN'S WARNING DOESN'T WORK

i want to believe this isn't catherine zeta jones. so someone, please tell me it isn't.

PREGGARS CHIC

what took her so long? she was made to be pregnant.

THE STYLIST IS FIRED

this is supposed to look professional, but it ages and adds extra lbs to ivanka. what happened to her modelling days?

RANDOM NOTES ON THE OSCARS

• george clooney - teeth the colour of michelle williams dress
• it's hard out here for a pimp - the most ridiculous song and performance
• ben stiller - best part of the show
• dolly parton - cartoon character turned alive
• reese witherspoon - how fake can you get?
• lauren bacall - no need for jabs
• charlize theron - oscar turned her into a snot
• naomi watts - same colour hair, skin, and dress

MIX AND MATCH 2

1 2 3 4 5

1. best landing spot for a parrot
2. most likely to put you to sleep hair and dress
3. best wedding dress
4. most annoying poses for the camera/accent
5. most refreshing weight

MIX AND MATCH

1 2 3 4 5

1. best dressed
2. best colour
3. best all round package
4. best 45 year old's dress
5. best she-male

SMACK LOVES SMACK

i'm sure you remember my post a while back on brad renfro's arrest for attempting to buy heroin off a narc. well, what about the fact that the 23 year old has been dating 43 year old daryl hannah since before the incident! she's like a poor man's demi, and he's a cracked out ashton. this explains why she looks like she's been doing drugs for 20 years, cos she has. i'm thinking now that heroin can be smoked and snorted, hollywood can do it without the track marks. click here to see the many ways brad and daryl can say heroin.

ASHANTI'S FAVE SNACK IS COTTAGE CHEESE

i know she's been out of the limelight growing her sideburns even longer, but maybe she should focus on that thing that's taking over her inner thighs.

OOPS, YA RIGHT

like she didn't set this up. she should've put some clarins self tanner on her chest while she was at it. i don't get it. i thought she had fakers, but they look pretty real to me. the only thing is, no one that skinny has tatas that big. debate please...