LINDSAY HAS NO STANDARDS

even though i'm out of town, i had to post a picture of one of lindsay lohan's many conquests. this is american olympic snowboarder shaun white, not hermione. i've got it down to 2 reasons why she would even consider him, one not being his pizza face. it's either the redheads they have in common, or that she can practice being a lesbian with a female lookalike.

SASQUACH MILLER

the only point of this picture is to show you that jude law, daniel craig, and hayden christensen like their women on the furry side. click to enlarge and you will see.

WASTED TALENT

i'll be away until thursday, but had to put this repulsive picture of wayne newton and carrot top. it's long been said carrot top's got the biggest schlong. but does it really matter when you look like him?

REALITY STARS ARE REAL PEOPLE

these are pix from moana's my space. pretty crazy eh? if you do some light digging, you can find other contestants from the bachelor. like susan, and jehan, and sarah b. i still think she's the chosen one, but i doubt it lasts past the show.

THREESOME GONE WRONG

there's absolutely nothing sexy about this pic. first off, tom ford's gay, so unless keira knightley's a guy, i'm not buying it. and i can't believe scarlett okayed this. she knows her tits are her selling feature, so why the hell did she hide them and show us her botticelli ass and legs instead?

MY BRAD PITT

at the top of my list for hot male celebs is gael garcia bernal. not only does he have the looks, but his acting is so underrated. check him out in the new uk esquire.

POWDER + LOBSTER

a match made in has-been heaven. winona ryder and val kilmer smooching for the camera. val's temper is the best thing for her 5fingerdiscount habit.

BACKWARDS THONG

i got this pic sent to me from my friend patty. the subject line was "check out paris' shoes".

GET READY FOR LONELY NIGHTS WITH A DOC, MOANA

it's a no-brainer now. i thought she lost her chance at the home visit, but i guess liking the family isn't a determining factor afterall. before all her emotional outbursts, she was the only one who went with the flow and got hated on for doing so. yes she's a basketcase. yes she tries to be deep even when talking about the weather. but, there's no way he's picking a nice robot friend from tennessee who keeps saying "YOU'RE perfect for me". see you with the last rose moana.

WHEN IT ALL COMES TOGETHER

i'll admit when i see a good picture, and miss homely looks pretty damn good here.

GRAMMY ROUNDUP

best performance

worst wig

worst makeup on a wax fax

best preggars/robbed of grammy

best game face/worst decollatage

worst dressed

best dressed

DOWN TO 3

as if he got rid of sarah b. from canada! who cares if she's young and lives at home. she was the hottest most down to earth one out of them. the kindergarten teacher's sweet, but there's no chemistry. moana had an embarassing nervous breakdown and her dad's the biggest prick so that's not gonna happen. i predict he's gonna go for susan who thinks she's on Y&R. they always pick the one they're most attracted to. then they'll move to l.a. and ham it up for the cameras. she already has a head start.

CHRIS AGUILERA

i didn't even recognize xtina. i know they say you let go once you get married, but they didn't say anything about looking like a man.

SUPER MAN AT THE SUPER BOWL

kimora lee more than baby phat simmons is looking quite the transexual at the super bowl.

OKAY, YOU'RE PREGNANT!

amid rumours that it's a fake pregnancy, katie holmes intentionally wears a unitard to prove us wrong. why else would she wear something that ridiculous? ok, so you're pregnant. but that doesn't tell us WHO the father is or HOW you got pregnant.

TR HAS CT

at first, her jugs take over the whole picture. but, a look downstairs and you'll see the most wretched fitting pants known to man.

SAGGING PITS

she claims she's done with modelling, but was modelling done with her?

BRITISH SEX

everytime i think of kate moss, i picture an orgy with jude law and sadie frost. those brits are freaky yo.

my friend tam is in l.a. right now, and i told her to call me asap if she runs into any stars (unlike my trip to l.a. that came up fruitless. unless you count leeza gibbons and cree summer as celebs). she was at the ivy yesterday and was smack in the middle of a kate moss/taye diggs/babyface sandwich. she was also at koi the other day and saw robin williams, nicolette sheridan and michael bolton before she was attacked by the paparazzi while leaving. she still has a few days to go, so i'll keep you posted.